Linda M. Fossen

I Think I Am a Pedophile: The Myths of Acting Out After Sexual Abuse

2011-11-11T15:05:00.001-08:00

With the Penn State University sex-abuse scandal unfoldingbefore us, there have been many men who have contacted me suffering from such anguish. An adult malemolested them when they were children and now these guys have been flooded withemotions that they thought they had dealt with long ago. My heart aches to hear their voices andto see the enormity of the pain that comes out in their words. My heart especially aches for those whoare hurting but haven’t reached out for help. I wanted to take this time to have an open dialogue with mymale fellow survivors. I hope thatwhat I have to share may help you to realize that you are not alone.

When a child is molested, the betrayal is immense and lossof innocence profound. It takes somuch courage for anyone to come forward and tell their story; but I think as ageneral rule it is even harder for men. Boys are taught from day one not to wear their emotions on their sleeve. They are often reprimanded for showingtheir feelings. Boys are mockedfor being “sissies” and told often told that, “big boys don’t cry.” I am here to tell you that big boys docry and they should. It takes areal man to confront their abuse and face it head-on. I salute my male fellow survivors and tell you that I amvery proud of each and every one of you. I want you to know it is okay to cry. Crying is so cleansing for the soul. Please don’t force yourself to denyyour own emotions any longer.

One of the hardest struggles that men have in facing theirabuse is the stigma attached to it. If the perpetrator was male then they wrestle with the fear of beinglabeled “gay”. If the perpetratorwas female then they wrestle with the fear of being labeled “crazy”. Most people still have the mistaken notionthat it is every young boy’s fantasy to have sexual contact with an older womanbut in reality it is not – it is traumatizing. Then to add to this the shame and guilt that the abuse “feltgood” really makes for a one seriously conflicted survivor. More men worry about becoming amolester themselves than women do by a long shot. I have had so many men tell me they can’t forgive themselvesfor acting out. They see this as proofthat they are a pedophile too. It istheir greatest fear – to become just like the monster that abused them.

I have no fancy titles behind my name or special training inpsychology. I am just like you andwant to talk to you survivor to survivor. Think of this not as a replacement for therapy but the words of a fellowtraveler who is on the same journey as you are. So let’s blow some myths right out of the water right nowshall we?

First of all, the very fact that you fear becoming a monsteryourself is proof that you won’t. Let me say that again. Thevery fact that a man worries about becoming a monster himself is proof-positivethat he won’t. What do I mean bythat? This is what distinguishes predatorsfrom other people. Sexual predators don’t worry about how their actions will affectothers; they are narcissistic and think only about themselves. They don’t have the ability to haveempathy for their victims; it is all about their own gratification. That is what makes it easy for them toabuse children. They don’t viewchildren as people but as objects that they can manipulate and use. So if you struggle with fears ofbecoming an abuser, take that as encouragement that you won’t be. You are perfectly “normal” just likethe rest of us.

Secondly, the fact that your abuser was of the same genderas you is no more indicative of your own sexual identity than the fact that theperson who robbed you was of the same gender. Guys, if you were molested by a man it does not mean you aregay! It just means that the personwho molested you found you an attractive victim to molest. Please understand this. The choice of gender was no more yoursthen the choice of being molested was – you were a defenseless child! Someone evil tookadvantage of that vulnerability and it is their fault not yours. You are not to blame for yourabuse. Lay the blame squarely backwhere it belongs - on your abuser.

Thirdly, no matter what anyone tells you boys are very traumatizedby having sexual contact with an older woman. Although it may have felt pleasurable to the child, it stillleaves them traumatized. I know toomany men who cannot experience intimacy with their spouse because of the betrayal oftrust they experienced by their abuse. The scars run very deep and the fear of intimacy in a sexualrelationship is often more than they can cope with. So many guys have lived in loveless marriages, become serialcheaters, or have unfulfilling relationships because of the damage that wasdone to them emotionally by this abuse. Make no mistake about it little boys are no more prepared for theemotional toll that abuse takes on them than little girls are. Both genders are traumatized.

Fourth, not all abuse “feels bad” – sometimes it “feelsgood”. This is what can reallywreck havoc on survivor’s minds. Many survivors will never put this into wordsbecause of the shame. I will sayit for you. Sometimesabuse feels very good and we experience sexual pleasure. I remember when I first admitted thatout loud to my therapist, how deep was the shame of my emotions! I thought this was proof that I was a sickpervert myself (just like my father). It is not. Can I sharesomething with you that will make you feel validated? If you experienced sexual pleasure duringabuse, all that means is that you have a normal functioning human body thatreacted to stimulation just like it is supposed to. It does not mean you asked to be abused, wanted to be abusedor are perverted. Please take thisto heart. You have nothing to beashamed of. Your body did notbetray you – your body makes no distinction who touches it. Simulation is simulation. The fact that you had an orgasm doesnot negate that you were also a victim. It just means you have a perfectly normal human body that reacted tosexual stimulation. Welcome to thehuman race!

Fifthly, if you acted out after abuse it was a cry for help– not a sign that you are a pedophile. Many children act out their abuse. It is one of the ways that children try to tell someone about their own abuse. This can involve a wide range of behaviorsbut I will concentrate on some of the common sexual ones. It is not uncommon for children to masturbate excessivelywith themselves and other children or to expose themselves to otherchildren. While some childrendisplay a preoccupation with sex, sexual jokes, or have sexual knowledge that isbeyond what is normal for their age, others will physically commit sexual actsthat leave them feeling ashamed and full of guilt. Every time a child acts out sexually, it is a cry for help –not a sign that they are a predator. This is a crucial time in a child’s development and if the warning signsare not heeded, the child can escalate the behavior and it will continue intoadulthood where they do become abusive to children. Although it is quite common for children to explore theirsexuality with games such as “playing doctor” the knowledgeable parent willtake the necessary steps to ensure that the child is given other ageappropriate ways to learn about his sexuality. For the boy who exposes himself, he is trying to cry forhelp by shocking others into paying attention to him. His abuse has left him feeling powerless and out ofcontrol. When he exposes himself,he is able to regain a feeling of control over others. The last thing he needs at this time isto be scorned and ridiculed. Heneeds to be surrounded with love and compassion and given an opportunity totalk to a trusted counselor or therapist who has the training and skills to beable to discover what is causing this behavior.

Sexual abuse has two very distinct components: 1) One of thechildren is older, more powerful and more in control over the other child –there is a definite discrepancy of power and control between the twochildren. 2) One of the childrenforces himself on the other child either through threats, fear, and intimidationor through a grooming process where the weaker child is made dependant on theolder more powerful child. Typically we see this type of abuse between older teens and youngerchildren. It takes specializedtraining for the distinction to be drawn between a child who is crying for helpand a child who is becoming a predator himself. A knowledgeable therapist can help you navigate these choppywaters. There is an excellentresource available at http://www.phac-aspc.gc.ca/ncfv-cnivf/pdfs/nfntsx-visac-nfntsact_e.pdf. It is the book entitled, “When ChildrenAct Out Sexually: A Guide to Parents and Teachers".

I would like to share from my own experience. I was sexually abused by my father andthen began to act out by teaching other girls how to mutually masturbate eachother. Oh how much shame I feltwhen I got caught by one of the girl’s mothers. I carried the shame of this for many decades and hated myself - believing that I was a diabolical, perverted monster just like myfather. It took me a great deal oftherapy to understand that my actions were simply a cry for help and the only way Iknew how to cope with what was happening to me at home. Parents please educate yourself anddon’t over-react to your child acting out but please don’t ignore it either. Remember this is the time when yourchild needs your love and compassion, not your scorn and ridicule.

My message to all male fellow survivors, don’t be surprisedif the Penn State University sex-abuse scandal triggers a wide range ofemotions in you. Don’t besurprised if emotions that you thought lay dormant suddenly bubble to thesurface. You are not alone – thereare many other survivors who are struggling too. The important thing is to find someone you can talk to aboutthis – please don’t do this alone.

Alone and isolated, the pain is greatly magnified. Together and united, the pain is easierto bear. It is an honor to stand with you my survivor friends.

Prairie Bible Institute: A Beacon of Light or a Citadel of Silence?

2011-10-01T14:41:00.000-07:00

Iam a survivor of sexual abuse and a former student of Prairie BibleInstitute. At one time, PrairieBible Institute (PBI) was the largest Bible school in the world and wasresponsible for training thousands of missionaries to evangelize theworld. PBI graduates are virtuallyon every continent of the earth. Prairie was also one of the most conservative fundamentalist schools onthe planet. It’s founder L.E.Maxwell was noted for his mantra of “training disciplined soldiers for JesusChrist.” This militant stylegospel had little time for worldly pleasures and ran roughshod over anyone or anythingthat stood in its way. Those whodid not easily adapt to this roughshod treatment were simply trampled over andleft for dead on the battlefield.

Iwas one of those who didn’t easily adapt. For one thing I was an emotional child and emotions had noplace in L.E. Maxwell’s boot camp. My abuse had caused me to consider myself “damaged goods”. I remember how much shame was poundedinto me as Maxwell hollered out his sermons about God demanding holiness. I knew I could not be holy – I had beenabused. In my little girl’s mind,I felt that God must truly hate me because there was no possible way for me toever become holy after what my father had done to me.

Itis ironic that after decades of suffering in silence I have become an outspokenadvocate for those who cannot yet speak. And in a place that stifled my voice it is especially ironic that I havefound myself advocating for the many people who were abused and scarred forlife at Prairie Bible Institute. Contrary to what the brochures led people to believe, PBI was not thelittle piece of heaven in the middle of Alberta’s wheat fields. For many it was a place of absolutehell. A place where they werewounded so deeply that even with the passage of time the wounds still have nothealed.

Andnow I find myself in the morass of silence and stonewalling. It seems that no one wants to acknowledgethe abuses of the past, the victims who were so deeply scarred or theperpetrators who were protected and allowed to remain on campus. As I have pressed forward, I have beenrebuked, scorned, ridiculed, and rejected by people who think it is very “unchristian”of me to even suggest that sexual abuse occurred in the hallowed halls ofPrairie Bible Institute. Case inpoint. A Vice President at Prairiewas allowed to stay on staff after several missionary kids came forward withallegations of sexual abuse prior to his arrival at Prairie. He acknowledged the abuse and yet therewas no notification sent out to anyone on campus. He was allowed to have continued access to children as ifnothing had happened. He wasallowed to stay on staff for years even as one victim followed another victim –until there were several who had come forward. Yet he remained on staff and no notification was made toanyone. Children were left withoutprotection and a wall of silence surrounded this man and his victim’s allegations.

Nowdecades later those of us who are trying to unearth the truth and determine ifthere are other victims are met with outright hostility and subjected tovicious attacks. When I haveraised the issue that it is highly unlikely that every single victim has comeforward, and that if he abused several missionary kids overseas we need to beconcerned that he continued to abuse in Canada, I am labeled a person who doesnot believe in grace. I am toldthe pedophile has repented and his sins are “under the blood”. I can appreciate that as one who oftenneeds the grace of God. Butrepentance and the grace of God still do not absolve one of the consequencesfor those sins. There are somesins that have life-long consequences – sexual abuse is one of those sins. I am used to Christians shooting themessenger. They don’t want toacknowledge that this could ever happen to anyone they know. I get that. But what I don’t get is how covering this up and hiding whathas already been exposed will somehow put the school in a positive light? The world knows that sexual abusehappens everywhere and they are not surprised it would happen in our religiousschools and organizations. It isnot being a “bad testimony to the world” for us to disclose that there wereabuses that occurred at PBI. Whatis the “bad testimony” is when we try to cover it up and refuse to acknowledgeor deal with it.

Prairiehas miserably failed to do this in its past and I hope they do not continue tofail in its present and future. Only time will tell. I amdetermined to see this to the end. I am tired of seeing people I care about getting shock treatments, attemptingsuicide and being locked up in psych wards. I am tired of seeing people I care about feeling so alienatedfrom God simply because they did not measure up to the Prairie mold of being a“good soldier for Jesus Christ”. Iam tired of hearing of the rampant sexual abuse that occurred at the hands ofsome of the most pompous and pious staff members who were supposed to representgodliness to us and instead betrayed children in the name of God. I am tired of a twisted theology thatmade women and children second-class citizens and relegated all men topositions of absolute power and control.

Themissionaries that have gone to the ends of the earth and the “souls they havesaved” will amount to exactly zero if in the end these precious hurting victimsare not acknowledged and supported. God does not mete out justice as we humans do. He does not take the good and the bad and lump them togetherand see which one outweighs the other. He cuts to the chase and looks at the attitude of the heart. We can do all kinds of outwardly goodthings but still have an evil heart. If we fail to heed the cries of the most vulnerable amongst us, we failto please God. His heart isattentive to the broken hearted, the bruised and those hopelessly bound. He has no time for anyone who hurts anychild who believes in Him.

Ihave seen afresh why so much abuse could occur at Prairie Bible Institute. It was a Citadel of Silence. It was a fortress that protected thepowerful and forced the vulnerable into submission. It was a place where power and control were more importantthan love and support. It was aplace where many wounded were left to die on the battlefield while the enemywithin destroyed and conquered. Itwas a place where silence allowed perpetrators to continue to abuse withimmunity.

Sowhat is next for PBI? It is now justa shell of what it used to be. Ican’t help but think this is more than just a sign of the times and the generaldecline in students attending Bible Colleges. I think it has more to do with the decline in integrity andcharacter of its leadership. Adecline brought on by the failures to deal with the abhorrent evil that wasperpetrated on the innocent. Likethe writing on the wall at Nebuchadnezzar’s palace could this be God’s writingon the wall that PBI has been found wanting too?

PBIis at a crucial time in their history. Their legacy has not yet been determined. Will they be known as a Citadel of Silence where thepowerful were allowed to abuse because there was no one to speak up and stopit? Or will they be known as theschool with a horrible past that had the courage to face its demons and comeclean? Will they be a shiningbeacon to the world on how a religious organization should handle abuse victimswho come forward? Or will theysweep this all under the rug and cover it under the shield of silence? Will they be a Beacon of Light or aCitadel of Silence? Only time willtell.

What Happened to the Body of Christ?

2011-08-30T08:14:00.000-07:00

Is it just me or have you suddenly felt slapped in the face by some of the stuff going on in the so-called body of Christ? I say “so-called” because it seems like some pretty flaky things are happening. Some of the people I have seen on television for years and felt like I knew what to expect from them are doing some of the wackiest things! And the scary part is that they don’t even seem to realize they are being wacky. It is getting more confusing to figure out who is serving God and who isn’t. I sure am glad I don’t have to decide. How Jesus is going to sort all this mess out and come back for a “glorious church without spot or wrinkle” is beyond my comprehension! It might be His greatest miracle of all.

This must be what Jesus was talking about when He said that in the “last days perilous days shall come.” I don’t know about you but I am feeling the “fear of God” more than ever before. So many times Jesus reminded us to endure to the end. He stressed that this is a race of endurance and that it matters much more how we finish then how we started. I am deeply concerned about what I see happening in the body of Christ. I am particularly concerned about some of the prominent leaders who are filling our news with scandal after scandal. I know I am supposed to pretend that I don’t notice but you know what I am talking about. Now don’t get me wrong. I am not thinking I am better than anyone else. I rely on the grace of God daily to take care of myself. But I think when you are in ministry, there is a higher responsibility placed on you. God requires more of you.

Just in the past two weeks we have had one preacher who has found out that you can’t pay enough money to silence two abuse victims who has found their voices. Tragically, we heard of another preacher who died in a hotel with a bag of “suspicious white powder” in his pocket. At his funeral, a preacher eulogized about the two sides of his personality – the man in the pulpit and the other man, the “flawed man” - the one that no one was supposed to see. Huh? Then the one that really takes the cake is the preacher who filed lawsuit against another preacher for “stealing” members from her church. You think I am joking but I am not. And this has all happened in the past two weeks - who needs a soap opera?

I know I am going to get hate mail for this but when are we going to start calling for some accountability? This should be the finest hour for the church and instead we are the butt of late-night comedy jokes. Does this bother anyone else besides me? How low does a preacher have to go before another preacher will speak up? While the world laughs at us, the “good ole’ boy’s club” seems quite content to keep quiet.

Take the issue of Bishop Eddie Long, for instance. Clearly he needs to be harshly rebuked by his peers and told to resign but the silence has been deafening. One prominent preacher blew it by calling his abuse of four young men “a wreck” and then blasted the congregation for not supporting their preacher. He told them they were not welcome in his church. They needed to go back to Eddie Long. My preacher father sexually abused me for ten years so I know what I am talking about. I am now a preacher myself but have no congregation, television program or an 800 number. My calling is to the brokenhearted and those in prison. If no one else will speak up then I will. This is SIN. This is not a “moral failure”, “wreck”, “boo-boo”, or “mistake”. It is an abomination to God. It is time that the body of Christ quit using euphemisms to cover up our sin. Bishop Eddie Long has sinned and he needs to repent. Everything I have seen and read thoroughly convinces me that Eddie Long is the sexual predator that these young men say he is. His grooming techniques lead me to believe that there are many more victims. It is one thing to be a predator who preys on very young children and grooms them from an early age. It is another thing entirely to be able to accomplish the same thing in teenagers. Long’s ability to brainwash these teenage boys, his cruelty in using their need for a father’s love and his extreme isolation of his victims makes him a particularly dangerous predator. He will continue to abuse until he is forced to stop. Sadly, so far all we have seen is extreme arrogance and apathy towards the damage he has done to his victims. Eddie Long is unfit to be a pastor of any church. He must resign. I recommend he never return to the pulpit. He needs to cry out for mercy from God and seek to help his victims to recover from the horrific damage he has inflicted on them.

This will no doubt make me unpopular but it must be said. While the world laughs at us, we in the body of Christ must take a stand and refuse to be complicit in covering up the sin in our midst. God didn’t call preachers to be rock stars; he called them to be servants. Churches are supposed to be spiritual hospitals where the broken, sick, lame and blind can be healed. They are not supposed to be corporations where the CEO’s get rich at the expense of the flock. It is time to get back to the basics. It is time to quit playing church. It is time to “put up or shut up.” It is time to be the body of Christ.

No Wonder Why Pedophiles Love Our Churches

2011-07-01T20:18:00.000-07:00

Notice the constant barrage of stories that keep coming out in the news about yet another pastor, youth pastor or ministry worker charged with sexual abuse? I don’t know about you but I am glad to see this - it is about time! God is starting to clean house and exposing the abuse that the evangelical church has been sweeping under the rug for decades. I have prayed for this day to come. Let every pedophile be exposed in our churches!

I am a survivor of ten years of sexual abuse at the hands of my preacher father so it could be argued that I have a horse in this race. I do pay particular attention to news about clergy sexual abuse. Sexual abuse does horrific damage to a child but when a person who is supposed to be godly perpetrates the abuse, the damage is magnified.

I recently watched a TV interview with an elderly pedophile that was discussing his life of abusing hundreds of children. The reporter asked him how pedophiles find children now that schools are becoming so vigilant in watching out for them. He did not hesitate for one moment and said, “Oh we are targeting churches now”. When the surprised reporter asked him to explain what he meant he said, “people in churches are so stupid. They welcome you with wide open arms because they love and trust everyone.” He went on to describe the environment of most churches where people are afraid to confront anyone and prefer to remain naïve. I was sickened by his comments but had to admit his assessment of most churches was spot on. We are not only stupid; we are flat-out idiots!

In case you missed it, Bishop Eddie Long of the 25,000-member New Birth Missionary Baptist Church in Lithonia, GA paid millions of dollars in hush money to settle lawsuits brought by four young men from his congregation for sexual abuse. After months of silence by his peers, finally Creflo Dollar spoke out but instead of rebuking Long he characterized what the Bishop had done as a simple “wreck”. Huh? A wreck? This was no wreck, "boo-boo" or mistake. The Bishop systematically groomed four young fatherless teenagers by plying them with gifts, jewelry, cars and houses for the sole purpose of sexually assaulting them. No wonder pedophiles think we are stupid. Apparently some preachers don’t know the difference between sexual abuse and having a car wreck. Then Dollar ordered the members of Long’s church who had left the church to go back to the same perpetrator. Hello! I can hear the pedophiles laughing with glee at that statement. How dare Dollar tell anyone not to follow their own instincts and listen to their heart in regards to whether they should stay or leave a church where the Bishop was involved in a sex scandal involving four young men from his own congregation. Apparently Creflo Dollar does not know that sodomizing young boys is sexual abuse. To compare that act to a simple wreck is not only ridiculous but makes him look very stupid.

Then comes T. D. Jakes to the rescue and he tells us that this is a matter just between the New Birth church and we should do nothing but pray. In other words, keep your mouth shut and mind your own business. Sounds just like what the Catholic Church Bishops have done for decades and you know how evangelicals like to blast the Catholic Church. Silence is never acceptable when it comes to children being abused. Silence is what every pedophile expects of the church – no wonder they love us so much. We are stupid and silent!

Where is our outrage about these stories? What is going on with these ministers? What is going on with our churches that are harboring these pedophiles? Even worse, why are congregations just automatically turning a blind eye to the truth and fiercely protecting their leaders - even when the facts stare them right in the face? You know what I am talking about. “Sheeple” in churches who refuse to face the facts and then shoot the messenger for pointing out the obvious. I am one of those messengers and believe me, it is dirty job. I have been called every name you can imagine “sex-cop”, “demon-possessed”, “preacher-hater”, “Christian-hater”, and even accused of “having the spirit of anti-Christ”.

But as long as I have breath in my body, I am going to continue to speak out about sexual abuse – regardless of who the perp is or what title he holds. People still need to hear the truth and the truth is that pedophiles love our churches because we in our ignorance have made them the safest places for them to operate! Oh, I admit that this is not a popular topic. I can assure you that churches do not want to hear this message. We prefer to stroll into church and leave our sensibilities at the door. I hate to be the party-pooper but just walking through the door of a church does not make someone more holy anymore than sitting in a garage can make you a car. People come to church for all sorts of reasons and some of them are not pure and holy at all. They are there to simply prey on others and take advantage of their naivety.

The sexual abuse of children never happens in a vacuum. There are always people around, who play a role – either to expose the abuse or to ignore it. If you ignore it then you are turning a blind eye, refusing to look at the obvious, refusing to confront those who abuse and enabling the abuser. If you are confronting these abusers then you are standing up and protecting those most vulnerable amongst us - our children. Don't expect church to be a place where you can let down your guard. Churches are where pedophiles are targeting children - they gave us fair warning and this is where they are scoping out children.

If you are like most "good church people" who will read this and disregard. Your thought will be "this could never happen in my church to my child" The warning goes unheeded and pedophiles come in droves to attack us. All the while we sing songs about heaven while things around us are literally going to hell. But this is church were everyone loves each other and no one thinks a bad thought about anyone.

I have to say, I understand why pedophiles love our churches...we are very, very stupid. It is our ignorance that will be our downfall.

Jesus Should Sue the Church

2011-06-13T18:24:00.000-07:00

I think Jesus should sue the church – He sure would have a real good case. Stop and think about it for a minute. At the very least the church is guilty of gross misrepresentation – at the worst blatant defamation of character.

Jesus made it pretty plain what church and ministry was supposed be when He declared in Luke 4:17-19, “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised. To preach the acceptable year of the Lord.” Jesus spent his entire ministry demonstrating these verses. He could not have made it any more plain to us, could He?

Jesus regularly “had it out” with the “religious mafia” who were constantly trying to keep people bound to man-made rules and regulations which were impossible to keep and alienated them from God. He regularly rebuked these hypocrites and chased out those who wanted to take His house of prayer and turn it into a place of extortion and money-grubbing. Jesus demonstrated that ministry was all about loving people and meeting their needs. He had a heart that was full of compassion and mercy for those who were hurting. He loved the poor, the downtrodden, the sick and those that were in bondage. Jesus was often criticized for associating with the sinners and yet He so dearly loved them anyway. His favorite times of ministry were with the outcasts of society. His love for humanity was evident in everything He said or did. Oftentimes, He made his pulpit amidst the trees and hillsides of Judea as He taught the multitudes parable after parable about the Kingdom of God.

Jesus was the most well known preacher who ever lived and yet He had no advertising budget. The crowds simply came because His fame spread everywhere He went. People didn’t need to be told to come by some hyped-up slick advertisement. They came because they knew He was the miracle worker. His love was like a magnet that drew people from all walks of life.

Wherever Jesus taught the people gathered and there was no VIP section for the “high and mighty” to sit. The rich man sat next to the poor man. There was no coming to Jesus in arrogance and pride. If you did, He was liable to call you out right in front of everyone and make an example of you. No, the high and mighty and the lowly all sat on the grass together and no one complained that they were not given a seat of honor. The honor was simply being in the presence of Jesus.

Jesus had no financial partners who could buy His time and influence. He wasn’t impressed with wealth or riches, but He was impressed with faith and purity of heart. Jesus had no multi-million dollar cathedral dedicated in His honor. He had no television ministry and yet His “multi-media” presentations were fantastic. He could turn water into wine, make “flying pigs” out of demons, walk on the water and tell hurricane winds to be still. He healed the blind, the lame and the deaf by His touch. Every time Jesus had church there were spectacular miracles – except for His own hometown where the unbelieving people still thought of Him as Joseph’s son.

Jesus seldom took up an offering but when He did He simply asked for a small child’s lunch or took money from the mouth of a fish. He didn’t have a pool of phone operators standing by to take the next 100 calls in the next 10 minutes of those who would give $1,000 each. (Or is it the next 10 calls in the next 100 minutes that would give $1 million each? Oh it gets so confusing sometimes!) Jesus didn’t have marketing directors who designed new gimmicks to get more people to give. There were no trinkets and toys, no bottles of “holy water”, no incense candles, and no fridge magnets. There was no begging, no emotional pleading and no hype. He really only asked them to give one thing – and it wasn’t their money - it was their lives.

Oh I know that technology has changed so much since those days and I am all for using it to spread the Gospel. But even though the methods may have changed, have we remained true to the mission statement that Jesus laid out when He spoke those words from Isaiah the prophet? “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me…” Does this honestly sound like most churches you know today? Hardly! Try walking into most any church today broken-hearted, poor, bruised, blind and needing deliverance. I can guarantee you that most of them have a seat waiting for you all right – as far in the back as they can possibly get you. If they were really honest they would ask you to leave, and some of them actually do! You think I am joking. I am not.

Being a preacher’s kid, I have seen this all my life and honestly have still have not understood it. Why are all the front row seats reserved for the best-dressed, wealthiest and most influential members of the church? And those who need all of God they can possibly get are made to sit in the back? Oh, I understand the preacher wants to preach to a group who going to be receptive to his message, but why waste your time trying to force-feed people who don’t even realize they are starving? Why not preach to the poor starving soul who desperately wants just one word of encouragement, one word of hope, one word that could change their life?

And in most churches today, you can forget about getting help if you are brokenhearted. Try admitting to someone at church that you were sexually abused and see how far it gets you. The church refuses to even talk about sex, let alone anything that might be deviant sex. If you have any emotional or mental issues, you can keep those to yourself too. Most churches don’t want to hear about that either – don’t you know that “the joy of the Lord is your strength” so just snap out of it already will you? Most hurting Christians go to secular therapists because pastors can’t be bothered anymore with people who can’t get over it with one single prayer.

Are you poor? Too bad for you - your position in the church will be severely jeopardized by this. After all, you have no money to fund the many programs they want you to fund. You can’t give to the women’s club, the men’s group, the youth program and you certainly won’t be buying the cappuccino from the new coffee bar they installed in the front vestibule. Oh there will be the ceremonial giving away of turkeys at Thanksgiving to the poor but you can forget about getting help with your car payment or rent when one of your kids gets sick or you lose your job. No being poor is no fun in most churches today. You are definitely treated as a second-class citizen.

Need to have your pastor pray for you for a healing or another need? Good luck with that one too. Many pastors have bodyguards disguised as “armor-bearers” and their job is to keep you away from the pastor. They will often say, “not now, can’t you see he is under the anointing?” Anointing for what? Isn’t that the precise reason for the anointing – to lay hands on the sick, the broken, the needy, the bruised and the bound?

The more I look at it, the more I see that most churches are not at all like what Jesus laid out in his mission statement. It seems that they have taken what Jesus said and done just the opposite. They have built beautiful buildings and made them virtual fortresses for keeping out the poor, the bruised, the brokenhearted and the oppressed. These buildings are nothing more than country clubs for the religious who only want a form of godliness but none of the power. They have empty suits preaching from ornate pulpits a dead gospel that is devoid of Jesus, the cross or the power of the Blood of Jesus. It is a social gospel of prosperity, self-improvement and being successful – all about pampering yourself.

The more I think about this the more I think Jesus should sue the church. He isn’t anything like what most churches purport Him to be. He has been sorely misrepresented for sure. Sadly, He hasn’t been to most churches in years. It probably would break His heart to see what is going on and to know what people have done in His name. Yes, I think Jesus should sue the church. I think the evidence makes this a definite open and shut case.

Why I Believe Casey Anthony Was Sexually Abused

2011-06-05T10:39:00.000-07:00

I was not surprised that the allegations of sexual abuse have come out in the murder trial of Casey Anthony, the young Florida woman who is accused of killing her two-year-old daughter, Caylee. The State of Florida is seeking the death penalty. The media attention in this case is unprecedented. The hatred for the defendant like none other I have ever seen in my lifetime.

I will admit full disclosure. I am a survivor of ten years of sexual abuse at the hands of my preacher father and am President and Founder of I Am Whole Inc, which is a non-profit organization dedicated to helping victims of sexual abuse find freedom from their pain through Jesus Christ. I published my life story entitled, “Out of the Miry Clay: Freedom From Childhood Sexual Abuse” in June of 2008.

For the purposes of this article, I will not comment on the guilt or innocence of Casey Anthony. I believe that the jury should make that decision based upon all of the evidence. This article will focus solely on the allegations of sexual abuse. As an advocate for those who cannot speak for themselves, I feel compelled to answer the many questions I hear being asked in the media and the confusion swirling around these allegations. Although I have never met Casey Anthony, I definitely believe that she is a victim of sexual abuse. The abuse has had a profound impact on her. I can think of few stories of abuse where so many of the classic signs of abuse are not only evident but they are very predominate.

1) Dysfunctional Family

Incest never occurs in a vacuum. The entire family plays a role either directly or indirectly in the victimization of the child. You will notice that each member of the family has a role to play and everything revolves around the abuser.

In cases of incest, the abuser is typically the father or father figure who is often demanding, over-bearing, controlling and emotionally unavailable. They will often have all the appearances of being a good father, a loving husband and a successful businessman to the outside world but behind closed doors it is quite a different story. The abuser will often be quick-tempered and angry or sullen and unemotional.

The victim will have learned helplessness and will seem frozen in their emotional growth to the time of their initial victimization. They will often act very childish and be unable to fully grow in their personal development. The victim will feel immense shame and will do whatever it takes to keep the abuse a secret. In most cases this profound shame will keep them from telling anyone for years. The shame is not embarrassment like most people can identify with but a profound sense of self-hatred because you find yourself so degrading and unlovable. This cuts at the very core of self-esteem and makes the victims feel responsible for their own abuse.

The male sibling with often abuse the victim because he feels it is okay to do so. He knows his father does so why can’t he? The proper boundaries within the family have been skewed by the abuse and often the male sibling will follow in the abusive father’s footsteps.

The mother will often be in deep denial. She refuses to see the obvious and will often seem totally oblivious to her child’s predicament. She often relies on the abuser for financial security and this proves to be a very strong motivator to hide the truth. In most cases, she will choose her spouse over her child. This creates enormous conflict in the victim because children innately believe that mothers are protective of their children. When this doesn’t happen, there is a tremendous sense of betrayal. Often the non-abusive parent is hated more by the victim than the actual abuser because they view the inaction to help to be worse than the actual abuse.

The goal of the entire family is to placate and keep the abuser happy. The victim will try to control her abuse by controlling the family dynamics. She will often feign a good relationship with the abuser. It is her way of trying to manager her abuse. She will walk on eggshells hoping to do nothing to provoke her abuser, thinking that by doing this she can control the abuse. Sadly, this never works.

2) Incessant Lying

When children are traumatized by abuse they will often retreat into a fantasy world where they can imagine that they are safe. The abuse has rocked their whole world and shaken their foundation. All the concepts of love, father, and trust have been polluted. Children do not have the capacity to understand that parents can do bad things. So they do what comes naturally, they will blame themselves for their own abuse. By creating a fantasy world, the victim is able to finally feel that they have gained some control. They can create a fictional world where no one abuses them. It is a way to cope with the pain of what is actually happening to them. The fantasy world can sometimes take over reality. Generally speaking the more traumatic the abuse, the more the child resorts to fantasy. Trauma is highly personalized and the level of trauma is not based on the acts of abuse but how that child perceived the abuse.

Children who have been abused have to do everything possible to hide the secret. They will lie to whatever degree is necessary to convince themselves and others that the abuse is not really happening. The family will also lie in order to maintain the “perfect family façade”. What is most important is maintaining the image and they will say whatever they need to say to hide the secret.

3) Enmeshment

There is tremendous conflict when the abuse occurs between a child and parent. When the abuse is long-term, the victim often becomes enmeshed with her abuser. The boundaries have been skewed and a child will often have very ambivalent feelings towards her abuser. Her relationship with her abuser becomes a love-hate relationship. One the one hand, the child hates the betrayal and pain that the abuse causes her, one the other hand, the child diligently tries to “fix” her abuser. There is a longing in the heart of the child to try by their own effort or good behavior to try to force their abusive father to be the loving and protective father that they crave him to be. They love the person they hope their abuser can be not the person he actually is. This longing is perhaps the most painful of all the effects of sexual abuse. The child will despise their need for love and affection and will blame their own neediness for their abuse. They will think, “if only I was not such a needy child then maybe my father would not have abused me.” This sets the stage for them to despise their own feelings and allow others to take advantage of them for years to come.

4) Secrets

Every family in which abuse occurs is a family that holds secrets. The abuse is the obvious secret but there are so many other aspects of secret keeping. The family tends to live in isolation from others and doesn’t form close relationships with neighbors and friends. Friendships are kept on a very superficial level and no one gets close enough to know what is really going on behind closed doors. This secret keeping becomes such a part of life and is the foundation on which the whole “perfect family façade” rests. They fear anyone seeing anything that is not perfect about them. The whole family goes to great lengths to uphold the family image. Even when a family crisis occurs such a teen pregnancy, they will still act as though nothing happened. The mentality is that if we ignore the problem it will go away. No one in the family talks to each other – they chatter but real conversation is virtually non-existent.

5) Inability to Form Close Relationships

An abused child cannot form close relationships with anyone. The trust that has been destroyed by the abuser carries over to every other relationship she has. The abuse victim fears intimacy because it involves trust. Experience has taught them that to trust anyone means getting hurt. They can have short-term high-intensity relationships that quickly lose their momentum and die. The victim will often sabotage any relationship that is getting too close. She will drive the person away before they have the chance to end the relationship first.

6) Anger and Rage

Because of the unresolved conflict between the child and abuser, the victim will often react with disproportionate anger at anyone who offends them. They will release their suppressed anger and rage at inopportune times and the response will be so over the top that the other person is left to wonder why they made such a big deal over something quite insignificant. They are venting their anger at their abuser. This displaced anger and rage is all unresolved conflict between the child and the abuser. If the child perceives that anyone else is siding with the abuser, then those people can also take the brunt of their anger and rage. It is not uncommon for the victim to have a seemingly good relationship with her abuser while she vents her anger at others.

7) Promiscuity

A girl who has been sexually abused will respond later in life in two very different ways. There can be varying degrees of this but in most cases, it is quite clear-cut. Either the abused will become frigid and will detest anything to do with sex or they will become very promiscuous, choosing one partner after another. In either case, at the core is shame.

A promiscuous girl will have come to the conclusion that “all she is good for is sex” and will devalue herself to the point where she gives herself indiscriminately. The partners she chooses will often be people who use her and have no care or concern for her. This just reinforces to her the belief she has that she is damaged beyond repair and good for nothing but sex. There is also a comfort level in knowing that none of these relationships will become so close that she has to expose her pain. She is able to keep things very superficial.

8) Coming Forward in Bits and Pieces

I know of no victim who has ever come forward in one sitting to detail the entire scope of her abuse. Victims fear telling the secret because of the shame involved and will often send out “trial balloons” to try to gauge how various people will respond to her disclosures. No attempt should ever be made to correlate the disclosures a victim makes to different people. In my case, I mentioned the one-time rape by my brother and was completely silent about the ten years of abuse by my father. There was such fear that I would be hated for disclosing my abuse. I was terrified that people would judge me and consider me a despicable person. So no inference should be made about what a victim shares with whom. This is sometimes harder than dealing with the abuse itself and every victim handles it differently. The fact that they did tell is what is important not how much they told. Most victims take several years to fully disclose the full extent of their abuse. It is also not uncommon for a victim to backtrack on her abuse allegations if she senses the other person is not receiving the information in the way she wants.

9) Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Other Mental Illness

Many victims of sexual abuse will develop PTSD, depression, anxiety or other mental illnesses. Victims of abuse will often become very hyper-vigilant and will have immense feelings of powerlessness and helplessness. What seems to be obvious ways of escaping from conflict, pain and a bad situation will seem insurmountable to the victim. They stay with their dysfunctional families because it is the only thing they know and there is a certain comfort in being in the familiar. As bad as it is, at least they know what to expect. They fear the unknown and fear removing themselves from their abuser because they have been brainwashed by their abuser that “no one will believe them” or that they can’t live without him.

10) Preoccupation with Self

An abused child will learn that unless they take care of themselves, then no one else will. Life becomes a battle of self-preservation at all costs. They develop a very hard, impenetrable shell that protects their heart from anyone who tries to hurt them. This shell can be very deceiving. The victim can become very hard and cold or very strong, self-assured and competitive. Many victims will excel and become overachievers. They are often type-A personalities who put on a false bravado to hide their true feelings. They will often not react to other people’s pain not because they don’t care but because they cannot afford to let down and show their weakness. They do not want to show any vulnerability ever again because their abuser has taught them that vulnerability will be exploited. Many victims will give off the vibes to others of “just leave me alone, I can take care of myself” when what they really mean is “please help me, I am so broken and hurt.”

I Will Not Be Honoring a Pedophile

2011-05-17T11:41:00.000-07:00

In the midst of the frenzy on the death of a certain music icon, there seems to be something sadly missing from the big picture. Have people forgotten that this man molested little boys? As a sexual abuse survivor I have not. I am quite certain that his victims and their families have not either.

Today I heard a reporter say that this icon had “unhealthy relationships with young boys”. Oh really? How very politically correct and sanitized! I have never heard sexual abuse worded in such a “nice” way before. I wonder what the victims should be called “easy targets”, “dupes”, or “pawns”. Sounds so much better than victim doesn’t it? It almost makes it palatable and easier to ignore. We don’t like the word “victim” because it makes us feel uncomfortable. If there are victims then there are predators. Certainly not something we are comfortable about and no one wants to feel uncomfortable in our politically correct world. Well I, for one, will not call it anything but what it is – the sexual abuse of innocent children by heinous abusers who betrayed their trust. How do you like that? I hope it makes you feel uncomfortable. If you have a shred of decency it should!

I can hear people screaming “what about grace, forgiveness and love”? What about it? I believe in grace, in forgiveness and in love but that does not mean that I cannot confront abuse when I see it and call it what it is. That is what has made sexual abuse so prevalent in our society – everyone is afraid to speak out. There will be those who will say “but he was never convicted and you cannot judge him.” Oh yes, the old “innocent until proven guilty” phrase. I believe in the Constitution and that everyone has the right to be innocent until proven guilty. But millions of children are being molested in our world today and they will seldom have the courage to come forward for years, if ever. By that time there is seldom DNA, witnesses, or evidence. The only evidence is the carnage that has been left on the soul of the precious child who was abused. Unfortunately prosecutors cannot show a jury what a broken heart looks like. The evidence of the abuse is there in the heart of that child where no one else can see it. Ironic isn’t it that victims can get sentenced to life without going to court. Their life sentence is not in an actual prison but a prison of pain. Sadly abusers can get away with their abuse because there is no evidence to convict them.

I spent decades suffering in silence but no more! I will be a voice for those who cannot yet speak for themselves. I will confront abuse wherever I see it regardless of the status of the pedophile. Isn’t it time we all do that? Isn’t it time that we protect the most vulnerable in our society – our children? How have we as a society gotten so complacent about protecting the weakest and most innocent amongst us?

You can say what you want about me but I will not be honoring a pedophile. No one’s music is THAT good! I will honor the victims wherever they are and tell them that there is a way out of their pain. I have found it – His name is Jesus.

My Personal Message To The Mule Who Wrote a 170-page Child Molestation How-To Manual

2011-01-26T08:58:00.000-08:00

You have never met me (yet), but I am your worst enemy. When I heard the news that you had published a 170-page child molestation how-to manual, I was livid. It was bad enough that you had written such a despicable manual but you then distributed it in my own backyard – Central Florida. I was determined that I would fight back! I would throw your manual right back in your face by telling everyone about your strategies and tactics. I would publish a book that would be the antidote to your despicable manual.

Let me tell you who I am so you know who you are dealing with. I am a child sexual abuse survivor who endured ten years of sexual abuse at the hands of my father. The abuse had a profound impact on my life: physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. After decades of hiding the secret, I have finally found my voice and have become an outspoken advocate on behalf of those who cannot speak for themselves. I am proud of who I am today and I am not ashamed to say I was sexually abused. The shame is placed directly on my father, where it should have been all these years.

I personally read every vile word of your manual. There was nothing that shocked me because knowing my father taught me how you pedophiles think. I have told you who I am, now I will tell you (and the world) who you are. You are a sexual predator who rapes little girls and tries to justify your abuse by insisting that the rest of society accept your “right” to molest children in the name of “child love”. You are an intelligent and skillful manipulator who uses two vehicles (one for work and one for your search for new victims), binoculars, a GPS and a laptop to keep track of your potential victims. This is not a safari - you are actually hunting down little innocent children! You have an inordinate amount of patience in seeking out your victims and seem to get as much out of the targeting and grooming process as you do the actual sexual acts. Once you have a little girl in your possession, you then treat her to a “fairy-tale like romance” that is aimed at seducing her into complying with your every whim for sexual gratification. You have a clear-cut systematic approach to introducing various sexual acts at different stages in the abuse and keeping the child from telling anyone. You manipulate the child into believing that they wanted or asked for the abuse, thus the child carries the shame and guilt that really belongs to you. You are a sick, perverted, pathetic pedophile who feels no remorse and is so narcissistic that you truly believe that you not only have a right to abuse children but to teach others to do so as well.

It is one thing to be a pedophile but to arrogantly put together a manual to teach others how to do the same abuse on other children, not only makes you despicable, but also makes me hate you. I hope that you read my book and hate me as much as I hate you. I hope your hatred for me forces you to confront me. I would love nothing more than to flush you out of whatever cesspool that you are hiding in and hand you over to law enforcement. If you want to confront me, you can find me – I am not hiding. Whether you know it or not, I am your worst enemy and you will rue the day your manual every came to my attention. I am going to expose you for who you really are and one day we will catch you. It is just a matter of time.

Linda M. Fossen

Straight From the Donkey's Mouth: Exposing the Secrets of a Sexual Predator

www.LindaFossen.com

Religious Pedophiles – What an Oxymoron!

2010-11-22T11:13:00.000-08:00

Okay, I will admit full-disclosure right from the beginning. I am a sexual abuse survivor at the hands of my preacher father so I may have a dog in this race. If you think that makes me a bit biased, perhaps you are right. On the other hand, it just might give me keener insight into the subject at hand. I will let you read this and decide.

I don’t know about you but I get livid when I hear about yet another pedophile who claims God gave him the right to sexually abuse a child. The trial of Brian David Mitchell, the infamous pedophile that kidnapped Elizabeth Smart and subjected her to sexual torture for nine months prompts my latest blog. What is it with these pedophiles who insist on using God and religion to justify their demented abuse of children? Isn’t it bad enough that they abuse those who are most innocent among us but why drive the hurt any deeper by insinuating that somehow God approves of what they are doing? Where on earth do they get this twisted notion?

There might be some logic if they used the Flip Wilson phrase, “the devil made me do it” and attributed their heinous behavior on the kingdom of darkness. But they defy all logic when they attribute their heinous behavior to God. What God are they talking about and what Bible are they reading? What Jesus are they talking about?

The Bible I read talks about how precious little children are to God. Jesus talked about the punishment that awaited anyone who would hurt a little child. He said it would be better for them if a millstone were hung around their neck and they were thrown into the sea. Notice that was not the real punishment - it was an example of what would be BETTER than the real punishment. Jesus said it would be better to have a rock around your neck and be thrown in the sea.

My father used the Word of God to try to justify his abuse. I have heard from so many other abuse survivors who have told me that their abusers also used the Bible and God to shame them. It seems that many pedophiles like to spout the Bible as a way to further intimidate their victims. My father told me I would burn in hell if I ever told anyone what he had done to me. As a child I truly believed it and was terrified that if I told anyone God would strike me dead on the spot.

Isn’t it time to call these pedophiles bluff and tell them that God is not on their side and He doesn’t approve of what they are doing? Isn’t it time to tell them, “Enough already, will you just leave God out of this?”

In the Elizabeth Smart trial court proceedings, CNN reported that prosecutors showed videotape of the interrogation of Brian David Mitchell. Instead of answering their questions, Mitchell continued to sing hymns and claim he was a servant of Jesus Christ along with a lot of other religious babble. One frustrated detective finally had had enough and said, “The core of the problem is you, and you are not a prophet and you are not a servant of Jesus Christ. You are Brian David Mitchell and you have done something awful." The investigator raised his voice: "If heaven's filled with people like you, I'd be more comfortable in hell! ... You are Brian David Mitchell, and you are a child molester. A criminal. You are a hypocrite and a fraud." http://www.cnn.com/2010/CRIME/11/15/utah.elizabeth.smart.trial/index.html

Bravo for this detective! It is about time someone told it like it is. This sounds like something I would say! I can assure you that if you are a pedophile and abuse children, there is no way in the world that God gives His approval. God loves you like He loves all sinners and He will forgive you if you cry out to Him for mercy. But don’t make the mistake that you can continue to abuse children and somehow this is all cool with God because it is not! So quit using God to justify your abuse. If you want to blame someone than blame yourself or the devil but certainly NOT GOD!

Bishop Eddie Long: The Big Red Flags That Warned of Danger

2010-10-06T13:46:00.000-07:00

Whatever your opinion is on the Bishop Eddie Long scandal, there are many things that we can learn from this case. I firmly believe that the victims are telling the truth and that the Bishop is guilty. The trial could take years before it happens and while so much attention is on this case, I want to use it to teach people how to spot abusive behavior. This article is not to argue my position on the Bishop but to highlight the many things that should have raised red flags for everyone who surrounded the Bishop and these four young men.

1. Vulnerability of the Victims - The young men were fatherless or had absent fathers. They were vulnerable kids. This is the very first thing a perpetrator looks for – is the child alone, isolated, abandoned or otherwise feeling rejected? These are the children who are easiest to manipulate and every child molester wants to pick the child who will be most cooperative and easiest to control.

2. Giving Gifts - The Bishop gave them lavish gifts – way over the top! It is not normal for a Bishop to give houses, cars and expensive jewelry to young men. This should have really caused people to ask some tough questions. What purpose does a grown man have in giving such lavish gifts to young men who were less than half his age? A perpetrator will give gifts to their victims as a means of reinforcing the bond between them and the child. The child feels obligated and is more likely to cooperate because of the “debt” they feel they owe. Gifts symbolize “love” to the child and when lavished upon a child makes them feel extra special and very loved. This sets the stage for the exploitation of the child.

3. Isolate the Child from Others - The Bishop kept in close contact by phone and in person with the victims and controlled their contact with other people. This is a big part of the grooming process. The perpetrator will systematically work to isolate the child from others and make them dependent upon him. The Bishop was alleged to discourage the young men from having girlfriends. He set himself up to be the one person they needed in their life to the exclusion of all others. The court documents show that the Bishop spent an excessive amount of time with these young men. Again, this should have raised big red flags because the excessive amount of time he spent with them clearly indicated that something more than mentoring was taking place.

4. Breaking Down Boundaries - The insistence that the victims call him “Dad or Daddy”. The perpetrator wants to break down the walls that separate him and the child and creates a pseudo father-son relationship to accomplish it. This is a very important part of the subtle brainwashing of the child. By designating himself as their Daddy, the Bishop is tearing down their resistance to trust. The more they trusted him, the easier it was for him to touch them. A perpetrator will often reaffirm to the child that the touching is okay “because I am your Daddy.” For a vulnerable child who has not had a father figure in his life, they will not understand what normal father behavior is and this leaves the perpetrator free to establish his own “rules” for appropriate touching in their father/son relationship.

5. Ceremonies and Rituals – It is said that the Bishop used ceremonies and rituals to seal the father-son relationship he had with his victims. This was particularly disturbing to me. I found the idea of a private ceremony between the Bishop and his victims to not only be unusual but sinister. You don’t often see rituals performed except in very severe cases of abuse such a ritualistic or satanic abuse. By using a solemn ceremony (similar to a wedding ceremony) the Bishop was pledging to these children that he would be their father forever. He was giving the illusion to his victims that his relationship with them was “God ordained”. It is said that these ceremonies included scripture reading and giving of jewelry. This gives further credence to his victims that this was a solemn vow made before God. The vow the child has given to the perpetrator is a sacred trust and he feels a sense of duty to God to maintain it all at costs. By promising these young men that he would be their father for life, the Bishop was giving these young men the one thing that they most needed in their life. The ceremony to seal this relationship made them feel that not only were they very important to the Bishop but “chosen by God” to be a “spiritual son”.

6. Pictures – The Bishop shared seductive pictures of himself with the victims. This is just a blatant attempt by the perpetrator to stir up sexual desires in the child. This was also very disturbing. There is no scenario where it is ever okay for a pastor to send such personal pictures of himself dressed in very tight and revealing clothing. There is no possible way that these pictures can be anything but what they are and meant for exactly what they portray. These pictures were specifically intended to lure the young men into sexual feelings and desires with the Bishop. These young men certainly had to have been confused about having sexual contact with another man in the first place. The Bishop preys on this confusion by seducing them with pictures. The court documents say that he often insisted on the victims be naked while he was with them. This is an extreme violation of boundaries on so many different levels. These pictures cannot be discounted as “bad judgment” on the Bishop’s part. It is obvious that he knew what he was doing. It is disturbing that a Bishop seems more preoccupied with showing off his muscles and physique rather than being an example of godly character.

7. Elaborate Grooming – This really highlights the elaborate grooming process the Bishop used to get his victims to do what he wanted them to do. He sets up an “emotional affair” with the young men first before anything is ever taken to the physical level. It is interesting to note that the Bishop took great care to ensure they were of legal age before the touching began. But by that time, the young men were already so emotionally attached to the Bishop, that the sexual part was just a natural progression to their relationship. The Bishop is said to have had these young men confide in him about their sexual struggles as they progressed on the “masculine journey”. If you look with a discerning eye, you will see that there was a great deal of preoccupation with sex by the Bishop and he made this an important theme of his conversations with the young men.

8. Access to Children – The academy was a perfect place for the Bishop to get access to young boys, ages 13-18. Those who have recently come forward from the program to say that they were not abused do not change the facts. Of course, the Bishop did not abuse every young man in the program – it was, after all, his cover. Any perpetrator will find a place where they can gain access to victims and they will work very hard to give legitimacy to this place and remove any hint of impropriety. I do not doubt that many young men were probably helped by this academy but that does not change the fact that it also was a place where the Bishop could find the most vulnerable to exploit.

9. The Gradual Progression of Sexual Acts – The court documents give many details on how the Bishop gradually and methodically progressed in the sexual acts he perpetrated on these young men. He was carefully gauging their responses and making sure that their secret bond would stay intact. The Bishop started out with seemingly “innocent” touching, which gradually progressed to more intimate sexual acts. The four young men all attest to this classic perpetrator behavior. The Bishop was a master at manipulating his victims and confused them into thinking that they “asked for” or “wanted” the abuse.

10. Absolute Power and Control – The Bishop established himself as total power and control by firing his entire board. He removed all accountability from his ministry. This is very dangerous for any ministry but especially for one that involved an academy for young men. The Bishop arranged to be a leader without personal accountability. This imbalance of power and control gave his congregation and students no place to report anything that might have seemed wrong to them. There was no one to report the abuse to – the Bishop had made himself immune from criticism or counsel.

Why Do We Christians Kill Our Wounded?

2010-03-07T00:23:00.000-08:00

The news had barely hit the press when the vultures began to circle. Suzanne, wife of world-renowned healing evangelist Benny Hinn had filed for divorce after more than 30 years of marriage. It didn’t take long for many Christians to start bashing Pastor Benny and his family. In any other group setting, this tragic news would bring concern and compassion from the rest of its members. Not so in the body of Christ! We Christians seem to love the sport of killing our wounded. I have often wondered why we do this. If being a Christian means to be a follower of Jesus Christ and to imitate His teachings, how do we justify our abhorrent behavior? Do you see anywhere in the Bible where Jesus condoned this behavior? No, He did not. He was moved with a heart of compassion and love towards people – especially those who were hurting.

What was so appalling to me is how quickly the attacks became vicious. It seemed that anyone was willing to join in – even other pastors who should know better than to cast stones at one of their own without having any knowledge of the facts. When the body of Christ could have closed ranks and surrounded a hurting family with love and compassion, we did what the world expects of us – we went to slaughter the reputations of our brother and sister in the Lord. We began to kill our wounded!

Whether you approve of Benny Hinn is not the issue. Whether you agree with his theology, clothes or salary is not the issue. The issue is that he and his family are hurting right now and they are part of the body of Christ. As such, they are our brothers and sisters in the Lord. If we truly are the body of Christ then when one of us suffers we all suffer. When will we understand that when we lash out at fellow members of the body of Christ we are in essence beating up ourselves? Not only is this stupid but it is counter-productive. Why would we want to hurt ourselves?

According to Benny Hinn, there was no immorality involved. Unfortunately many so-called Christian bloggers had already reported otherwise. They made it open season to take pot shots at the Hinn family and belittle them - nothing like kicking them when they were down. We expect this from the world – but should this be common practice among fellow Christians? I have seen unbelievers showing more compassion towards the Hinn family now than many of us Christians. God have mercy on us! We are killing our wounded. This is hardly the example Jesus left for us to follow.

I have been praying for the Hinn family and for complete restoration to come to every area of their lives. I am praying that God will intervene in this matter and turn what the enemy has meant for evil into something good. Don’t you think it is time to lay down our swords and wrap our arms around this hurting family and show some compassion? I say enough of the trash talking – let’s shock the world and act like Jesus followers for once. If we are ever going to reach the world for Jesus, we need to lay aside our petty differences and concentrate of what draws us together as the body of Christ. It is Jesus and His sacrificial death on the cross. Let the world know we are Christians by our love. God knows they have seen enough of our hate for each other. We may not all agree on everything but can’t we at least stop killing our wounded?

These Women Don’t Speak for Me - This Certainly Was No “Sister Act”

2009-09-30T23:18:00.000-07:00

Just when I thought I couldn’t hear anything more appalling than the remarks of actor Debra Winger at the Zurich Film Festival demanding the immediate release of sex-offender turned fugitive Roman Polanski, here comes yet another actor who wants to throw this victim under the bus. What is wrong with these women? Have they no conscience?

I could hardly believe my ears when Debra Winger claimed the case was dead except for a minor “technicality” and whined over the “exploitation” that caused the “art world to suffer”. Exploitation! Whoa, wait a minute! Excuse me, Ms. Winger but before you start preaching at me from your bully pulpit, let me remind you about a few details you may have overlooked. First of all, the case is not dead. Prosecutors have tried for thirty years to get Polanski arrested and extradited to the United States. The “technicality” you are talking about is that this sex offender who pleaded guilty to the rape and sodomy of a 13-year-old girl is a fugitive from justice. The reason that the case is thirty years old (or as you would say “dead”) is through no fault of the judicial system or the victim. It was because Polanski fled the country. Have you forgotten Ms. Winger that this 13-year-old girl is the real victim and she is the one who has suffered – not your so-called art world? She did not ask to be raped and sodomized. Shame on you for supporting a sex offender! These are not alleged crimes but ones the defendant voluntarily plead guilty to in court. You have single-handedly slapped every child sexual abuse and rape victim in the face by your callous remarks.

Before I could catch my breath here comes Whoopi Goldberg trying to tell me the difference between rape and “rape-rape.” I am shocked Ms. Goldberg that you seem to be confused about the definition of rape. Let me try to enlighten you. A 43-year-old movie director gave drugs and alcohol to a 13-year-old girl and then forced her against her will to have intercourse and finally sodomized her. All the time she was telling him no. He was an adult and she was a child. If this isn’t rape Whoopi than what is? You and I both know that had this been Joe Schmuck, the man would have been rotting in prison but because he is an acclaimed movie director then we can just “wink-wink” at his rape - which is not to be confused with “rape-rape”. Or did I get them mixed up? Give me a break! Polanski plead guilty to the charges, Ms. Goldberg and he deserves to be sentenced. I have heard all the pundits talk about the conspiracy with the judge and DA who were out to get him. Show me one defendant who hasn’t tried that accusation? The case was heard by a grand jury and he was indicted. He pleaded guilty. The next step is sentencing. So the conspiracy theory doesn’t hold much water. In our country, once you have entered a guilty plea you are not allowed to change your mind if you don’t like the outcome. Shame on you, Whoopi for turning a blind eye to this victim – this certainly was no “sister act”.

Speaking of victim – my how she has gotten the raw end of the deal! I choose not to use her name because she has suffered enough. She has asked the court to dismiss the case after many years of waiting for justice. Can you blame her? It is hard enough for victims to come forward and face their perpetrator but how would you like to be at the center of a worldwide call for his exoneration? I don’t blame her one bit for wanting to have the case dismissed. She is sure to take the brunt of the wrath against her by Polanski supporters. How would you like to have Hollywood hate you? Even though she has forgiven him and wants the case dismissed, Lady Justice still waits for Polanski to be punished. My heart goes out to this courageous woman.

Today I heard Debra Tate, sister of slain actress Sharon Tate claiming that the sex was “consensual”. Who gave her the right to determine that? Contrary to what she may think, there are laws that determine that and the law says that this child was not legally able to give consent. Sex between an adult and a minor is still a crime. Ms. Tate went on to say, “there is rape and then there is rape”. Did I miss something? When did we have two definitions for rape? When she was asked why Polanski should not be punished Debra Tate said because he was a “good guy”. Well a lot of “good guys” have served time in prison for having sex with a minor. The reason they were sentenced to prison was because they committed a crime. Ms. Tate, you can paint Polanski any way you want, but please don’t’ confuse the issue – rape is still rape – no matter what emphasis you put on the word.

None of these women speak for me or millions of other women. As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, I support the real victim. She is courageous and I know there are many other women who personally know her pain and support her. Our prayers are with her. It is an honor to stand with her. This is no act Hollywood – it is, after all, what real sisters do.

This Will Take an Army!

2009-09-14T06:36:00.000-07:00

I don’t know about you but I am excited to see that so many sexual abuse survivors are beginning to speak out – it is about time! What thrills me most is that so many of these survivors are coming from evangelical backgrounds, which have long been citadels of secrecy about abuse. By and large the evangelical church has piously criticized the Catholic Church for their sexual abuse scandals and have tried to give the impression that the issue has not “affected us.” Nothing could be further from the truth! We as evangelicals have more than our share of sexual abuse within the church. In fact, truth be told, the scandals that could break out in the evangelical churches would make the Catholic Church pale in comparison. What has made the Catholic Church’s scandal so immense is not the amount of abuse but the hierarchical structure of the church that has made it easier for these victims to be identified and linked to their abusers.

Many evangelical churches function autonomously and therefore have no real system of accountability. For that reason, we usually never hear about the abuse that occurs in evangelical churches. It is usually handled as a local matter, without the fanfare of the national media to cover the story. In my efforts to educate others on the prevalence of sexual abuse within the religious community, I want it to be very clear that this certainly is a problem for all denominations. We can no longer afford to remain ignorant of this fact at the expense of our kids. The world (including the church) has become far too dangerous of a place for our kids for us to just hide our heads in the sand any longer.

As a preacher’s daughter who was sexually abused for ten years by my father, I understand the added dimension of betrayal you feel when the abuse is perpetrated by someone who is supposed to represent God. I understand what it feels like to have God made out to be my enemy by someone who twisted the Word of God for their own evil pleasure. For decades I have suffered in silence thinking it was my duty to God to hide the dirty secret of my father. I had a distorted view of God, father, love and trust. I could not speak out because I had convinced myself that no one would believe me.

Tragically, after years of suffering in silence, I have discovered that there were so many others in my same situation who were just waiting for someone else to speak out. I am determined that I will be a voice that will speak out with boldness and without shame. It is time for every brokenhearted person who has grown up in the church and had their faith in Jesus Christ trampled to death because of the sin of abuse to be healed and set free from their pain. It is time for the church to be a place of transparency and openness. It is time for us to “do church” the way Jesus did. He gave us the mandate to follow when He stood in the temple and declared, “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised. To preach the acceptable year of the Lord.” (Luke 4:18-19) I am convinced that Jesus’ mission has not changed but have we as believers strayed from the mission?

I see a new day coming – it is on the horizon. I hear the sound of the broken and abused finding their voice. In unison they are coming together and declaring that the silence must be broken and the truth must be revealed. The pain of being silent has far exceeded the fear of their shame. They are tired of being stifled, tired of being marginalized by the church and tired of being told to just “forgive and forget.” They are finding their voice and becoming a force to be reckoned with. From every corner of the globe I see them coming together: missionary kids, preacher’s kids and those who were raised in the church. They are openly declaring that they were abused and have come out of exile to be heard. What are we as the church – those who believe in Jesus Christ going to do with them? They will no longer be ignored. They will no longer be shoved to the sidelines and they will no longer cover the hideous secrets of the sin of abuse that we have complacently allowed to continue in our churches because we either hid our head in the sand or looked the other way.

These who are coming forward are forming a gigantic army and they are declaring war on one thing – secrecy. They want only one thing – freedom! Their mission objective is simple – the silence must be broken – the walls that have kept them in bondage to their pain must be torn down. The shame they have carried must be thrown right back to where it belongs – on the abusers. They are not seeking revenge but wholeness. So bring on the troops – this is a day that I have long awaited – it is our time!

Sexual Abuse Happens in Christian Homes Too

2008-06-28T00:07:00.000-07:00

This has always been a dirty little secret but the truth is that sexual abuse of children occurs in Christian families at an alarming rate. Statistics suggest that a young girl is much more at risk of being sexually abused in a rigidly religious home than in a home in which there is no mention of God. Sadly, the evangelical church has by and large hid their heads in the sands about this whole issue. We have schools teaching kids about the differences between "good touch and bad touch" and yet all one has to do is turn on the news and find out that children are being sexually abused by their own teachers. Does it not stand to reason that this could be happening in churches and in Christian families as well?

I was sexually abused in a home which everyone thought was "perfect". My father is a preacher and is adored and respected as a man of God. He has a thriving ministry. No one would have ever suspected him of such a thing. As a child I heard lots of sermons on "honoring my father" but no one bothered to tell me what to do if the father I was supposed to be honoring was also abusing me. This silence by the church has allowed childhood sexual abuse to flourish in many homes. The wounded child often grows up not wanting anything to do with God and with little wonder.

I am 50 years old now and have lived more of my life than I have left to live. I spent the bulk of my life carrying the shame that was never mine to carry. I will no longer do that anymore. I want to open up a dialog in the church that makes it okay for victims to step forward and tell their stories. We as a church need to embrace these hurting people with compassion and care and let God heal their wounded hearts. In most churches today, if a victim where to tell anyone they were abused, they would most likely be marginalized and made to feel that they were "less spiritual". When the church was silent on the issue of sexual abuse, I remember so many times feeling that there was no help for me at church. It is appalling that most victims will have to go outside of their church to a secular setting to get the help they need. Something is wrong with this picture! The church should be the first place someone can go for help - not the last place.

Childhood Sexual Abuse Occurs in Christian Families Too

2008-06-27T16:36:00.000-07:00

Most people do not want to admit this but it is true. Childhood sexual abuse occurs in Christian families too. Did you know that a young girl is much more likely to be sexually abused in a rigidly religious home than she is in a home in which there is no mention of God? I think this is appalling. Sadly the evangelical church has by and large ignored the issue and hid their heads in the sand. We have looked at the scandal of the Catholic church and smugly viewed this as "not affecting us". In our naitivitee we have left our children at risk and made it nearly impossible for victims to find help at church. I want to be a voice for change, calling on churches to become informed about the issue of childhood sexual abuse and being willing to confront it within their churches. Our churches are literally filled with hurting people who cannot find a way to express the pain in their heart for fear of being marginalized and being seen as not "spiritual". I think it is a disgrace that any person should ever have to go to secular counseling because there simply is no one in their church who can help them.

The Writing Porch: The Writing Porch Author Q and A: Linda M. Fossen

2008-06-27T07:27:00.000-07:00

The Writing Porch: The Writing Porch Author Q and A: Linda M. Fossen

Out of the Miry Clay: Freedom From Childhood Sexual Abuse

2008-04-13T07:33:00.001-07:00

My name is Linda Fossen and I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. My father sexually abused me for ten years when I was a child both before and after he became a preacher. It was not until I turned 50 that I have finally found my freedom from the pain that had haunted me my whole life. I spent most of my life trying to love God but always feeling such ambivalence in my relationship with him because I just could not understand why God had never rescued me after I prayed so many times for him to do so.

I have recently written a book called "Out of the Miry Clay: Freedom from Childhood Sexual Abuse" which will be available in bookstores by June 1st or my on website at lindafossen.com. The book tells the story of my abuse and the devastation it caused in my life. The story is a very raw and graphic portrayal of the carnage that sexual abuse leaves in the heart of every child and how I came to discover my Heavenly Father who was there waiting with arms to embrace me and take away my pain. I want my story to bring hope and healing to the millions of people who suffer in silence from the pain of their abuse. I especially have a heart for those who have grown up in church and suffered abuse and have had no one to tell. I found that most churches are completely clueless on how to help those who have been abused. Instead of being spiritual hospitals where the wounded can find help, the vast majority of churches have become big businesses who have no time to address the needs of hurting people. In coming out with my story, I want to educate the evangelical church about the prevalance of sexual abuse in the church and to open a dialogue that will make it okay for people to talk about it. I find it appalling that anyone should have to ask for help outside of their church but sadly that is primarily the case.

I have found the answer to the horrible pain of childhood sexual abuse and his wonderful name is Jesus. Please stop by my website and drop me a line. I would love to hear from you!!